Aug 13, 2010

Chapter Two: Dude where's my car... & passport?

We looked at each other and wondered oh dear effin god - We asked where his "friend" was, there was no one! We had to wait for a random car..!!! he opened the trunk & at least 5 men who looked like oil mechanics with a serious smoking addiction & hygiene issues dashed to collect our luggage.. 'HOLD IT' I yelled, 'no one do anything..where's your friend? & close the goddam trunk. You said you had *someone* waiting for us here, where is he?" "mafi 7addaaaaaa" no one is here..!!!!!!!!!!!
So basically this guy had our money, & is now dumping us in this garage in the middle of butt-eff-nowhere..niiiiice. 
I call the police man who was looking at us, while enjoying a cigarette. He asked what was wrong – ppl (animals) started surrounding the car, I tell the officer we have no car & he has our money..the police'man'? asks us to MOVE THE CAR. Yes that is how they protect & serve. I lose it at this point "tfadal ta3al lahon shway" give me my money is the first thing I think of..or take me back to Lebanon. He raised his voice, I raised mine, my friend raised hers. A Jordanian came to the rescue, you could just tell he was a Jordanian; the beige pants, white shirts, brown belt, cigarette hanging down his mouth, perma-frown YES YES YES  a Jordanian.. HELP USSSSSSSS, PLEASE? Get ur stuff I'm taking u home, he has our money..
The look on his face when he said the garage took a commission & it's not his fault – it's his rightful money..i was gonna jump on him and punch the Syrian out of him..practically yelling me and my friend explained HOW MUCH money he took & HOW rude he as being – 'lek anaaaaaaaaaaaaaaa' in his obnoxious tone. YES MO-FO YOU!!
he worked fast, to us: 'Get ur stuff', to the Syrian cab driver: 'give them their money' let's go..NOW..we looked at the guy I've never been happier to see a Jordanian. 
This guy who was dressed in all black with satanic accessories that I'm sure he thought made him look like Chuck Norris carried our bags claiming he works the driver and wants to helps us. so be it, let's get over with it.
The only time I saw an X-ray machines was at that pathetic patch of un-forsaken no man land. & I thought well why don't they use this EVERY WHERE!!!!

Waited for the car, the cop came n demanded our "hero" remove his car & said "u CAN'T take these girls"
"shibek m3asbeh / why are u pissed?" 
"WHYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYY????" The thoughts that went through my head at that point..this 18 year-old lil kid with his cocky attitude, nameless name tag & zero stars on his shirt is giving meeeeeee attitude how freaking hospitable!!!!
"when I asked u what's wrong, tli3telee bil 3alee" an Arabic saying meaning 'I talked down to him'. "tistiflee minnek la2ilo" meaning u deal with him..non of my business..
NIIIIIIIIIIICE police work Syria, because he was Syrian? Because he was a man? Because it was hot? Non of my effin beezwaz. PROTECT & SERVE.
We got in the car, and our hero took our passports to get them stamped. 300 men selling crap, from nuts, socks, bizer, garbage bags, lufas to whatever u want surrounded the car. & Syrian Chuck Noreeees came to claim his tip.."UR whaaaaaaaat" my friend busted out her anger at him, I pulled out money gave them to her n told her to shut him up..i don’t want to deal with this it's too much drama for one week. After yelling and cursing and more yelling and him wishing us a horrible trip. 'tab biddkon jrabat sabaya' i cracked up..this was un-frekkin-believeable. The driver came back, yelled at Chuck Noreeeees & we drove.
Next check point & name call..he pronounced our names all wrong they threw our passports – I was not impressed. Seriously Syrian borders made me take a firm decision to NEVER EVER go anywhere near them. 
'Bana?' he asked 
'Na3am (yes)' I replied , 
'yes yes yes ? I lost my voice' I did at that point lose my voice & logically there are 3 ppl he called out 2 = 1 left Sherlock!!!! 
'shu shiklkon na3saneeen(u look/sound sleepy' he was being a jerk. 
"well we spent 300 hours at the border" I don't know why I said that but when I did he got pissed 
"WHICH BORDERS" as if I insulted his mum. 
"the Lebanese borders – can we just go" , 
"3am 2ilek AYA 7DOOD
"the lebanese ya zalameh khalesni eh
2 mins later we were on Jordanian soil. We got out of the car, did happy dances almost kissing the ground – I have never in my life been happier to be back in Jordan than this moment. A few supervisors asked us whats wrong we told them & they had the perfect response "you are home now, don't worry about thing. & if you give me the guy's name & license plate # we wil make sure he NEVER crosses these borders." Grins on our faces IT IS OVER.
the best part was getting ZainJo on my cell...OH GOD THAT FELT GOOD
 p.s. i was not paid for this thank you very much

En route home: sleepy driver scares the hell out of us, I end up driving the girls home, in bed by 3:30 am & having work the next day..i think not – called in sick & slept this away.