Stuff My Dad Says

Episode 3
Dad: don't you want some Mansaf?
Me: But dadi just had some.
Dad: But u didn't have chicken
Me: Cuz i had Mansaf.
Dad: but i got chicken WITH the Mansaf
Me: 3ashanna falastinnieh? (cuz we're falastenians?)
Dad: la2 la2ino Mashwee
Me: what? 
Dad: well you're on a diet right?
Me: NO..are u saying i'm fat?
Dad: you have a mirror, now come have chicken.
Episode 2
(phone rings at 4am - wakes me up..i'm at home, my dad is callin)
Me: hello?
Dad: where in God's name are you?
Me: ugh..bed?
Me: excuse meeee...mine
Dad: don't LIEEEEEE. %$^&^*
Me (walking calmly to his room): i'm not lying *click
Dad: jibili may (get me water)

Episode 1
*phone rings*
Dad: inti fain? (where are u?)
B: -_______- at work dad
Dad: ur not picking your brother up from the airport?
B: huh?
Dad: huh? is this Bana?
B: -________- yes dad..
Dad: ah so u'll be there at 9, kthxbai
B: dad..he's coming today?
Dad: just go, & if it's not today then well try tomorrow
B: -____- (contemplating killing self)
Dad: bye.