Apr 17, 2012

A Working list of Things I Will Never Be Told

So i literally 'Stumbled-upon' this poem "A Working List of Things I Will Never Tell You" by Jon Sands & i was compelled to write a reply, read his poem first so you have a better grasp of why/what my response had to come alive.

“A Working list of Things I Will Never Be Told”

When I knew of her, around December
my fear wasn’t of you leaving me but actually,
It was of you going to her instead of coming to me

I wasn’t silent because I was mad or angry,
I was silent because I knew, & in silence
My heart broke. I tried to look younger

I failed at covering up & instead highlighted
my skinny flat chest. I hated looking in the mirror,
so i stopped. I also stopped riding the subway.

I wish you wrote to me, you were always writing
I know to you I’m barely a memory
I sleep all day & I abhor the weekends

I smell you everywhere even in my hair
No man can or will ever touch me the same
I pretended to sleep

When you would tip-toe your way to the bed
Thinking I can’t hear, I’d shut my eyes tighter
I smiled

Every time you lied I smiled even wider & more sincere
I miss the way ur face kept my neck warm like the scarf
I never got, just like being with u

Kept me warm, you never knew that.
Send Sarah my regards, she's an idiot I never liked her,
I hope one day she grows up..don't tell her i said that

She killed her own pony, who does that?
Winter is even colder here, foggier, grayer.
I see your sillouttee in ever dark corner of my mind

There are so many things left unsaid
So many questioned unanswered. I miss your jokes
I never smile anymore, my soul is dead inside my body

If I asked you to stay I would be saying no to myself
& your yes would not be forever