This is an oldie, at least 4 years old, i wrote for someone very close to me - it's worth mentioning, she has yet to read it.
When I ask you to listen to me & you start giving me advice, you haven't done what I asked you.
When I ask you to listen to me & you start giving me advice, you haven't done what I asked you.
When I ask you to listen to me & you begin to tell me why I shouldn't feel this way, you're tampering on my feelings.
When I ask you to listen to me & you feel you have to do something to solve my problems, you have failed me, strange as that may seem.
Listen! All I ask is that u listen! Don't talk or do!
Advice is cheap; 20cents will get you the best advice columns in a newspaper & I can get it myself, I'm not helpless. Maybe discouraged & faltering but not helpless.
When you do something for me that I can & need to do for myself, you contribute to my fear.
But when you accept a simple fact that I feel what I feel, no matter how irrational, then I can stop trying to convince you & get about the business of understanding what's behind this irrational feeling.
And when that's clear & the answers are obvious & I don't need advice, irrational feelings make sense when we understand what's behind them.
Perhaps that's why it works for prayers, sometimes, for some people. Because 'GOD' is mute, he doesn't give advice or tries to fix things. 'GOD' just listens and lets you wrk it out for yourself.
So please listen..just hear me..
& if you want to talk, wait a minute.. for your turn & I'll listen to you.
till fireflies go blind and ladybugs dry up, my voice shall echo upon deaf ears
- Salam , B x
Aww girl..tabtab ..
ReplyDeleteif u want an ear.. i am here to listen =)..
Nice post. Very emotional. Males have this issue with "listening". I read the book Men are from Mars Women are from Venus some 5 years ago and I recall that men cannot listen... they listen and try to offer solutions. They feel as though when you someone is opening their heart to them, they are being consulted to solve the problem, to make it go away...
ReplyDeleteIts important to listen sometimes. However difficult it may be.
I know what you are on about..I got a buddy of mine..been my friend since childhood,he does listen and advise but somehow a min into his advice..he starts talking about himself,or his experience,story,in a blink he switches the conversation and makes it all about himself! ..and I wonder what the hell was I talking to him about in the 1st place..he does it with everyone.
ReplyDeletebasically his idea of a conversation is story vs. story, situation vs. situation..
doesn't get to me though,he is my old trusted friend..and I'm used to never seek advice from ppl,I'm the one they usually come for protection and advice so I'm too self reliant when it comes to that..
by the way I like your blog and humor,added you to my msM, is it Lady_b84 at hotmail?
yeah..as threatening as it might be,I just add ppl then get to know them later..but something tells me I know you in real too..
Lol! Male readers/commenters :p
ReplyDeleteU know I was discussing this same issue with a friend last week when he was complaining abt his other friends and how ppl in Jordan don't listen... I guess we really lack the skill... We have grouped it to 3 types of bad listeners; (1) Type elly u keep talking & talking w faj2a u discover enno sar7anen & not following with u & u become disappointed w 5alas u just drop it coz such ppl dnt really care. (2) The other type r those ppl who keep interrupting u and start telling u stories from their experience abt themselves and redirect the whole thing to them & u r again disappointed. (3) this type is the one I hate most, I believe it's not abt listening only, u should feel the other side is feeling wut u r expressing or I would go talk to the mirror it will make a better listener! U keep talking & talking and when u finish they jump to a totally other subject "lsn let's go have some food or lets go play games" what the heck I feel insulted! And the same ppl usually get distracted by anything around and may interrupt u saying "oh look at this car" or whatever...
I know how much it hurts not to find some1 who is a good-listener, advisor, and u both exchange roles when in need.
I think in ur case u just need to talk to ur friend (in good times not when u need some1 to lsn) and tell her abt the best way she can help u when u feel like talking...
Good luck dear.
only a love that great, fails to tolerate your momentary lapses - a relationship that is fed by her instincts to safe-guard you from everything, even yourself.
ReplyDelete